One colleague talks over everyone in meetings. You are still angry at six in the evening. You tell yourself it is simply rude, and it is. But it is also strange how much of your day it took.
Carl Jung wrote a sentence about this in the private book he began in 1913, now published as The Red Book. He wrote it during the First World War, in a passage about nations blaming each other. He then turned it on the individual.
“If one-half of mankind is at fault, then every man is half at fault. But he does not see the conflict in his own soul, which is however the source of the outer disaster. If you are aggravated against your brother, think that you are aggravated against the brother in you, that is, against what in you is similar to your brother.”
— C. G. Jung, The Red Book: Liber Novus, trans. Kyburz, Peck and Shamdasani (2009), p. 253
What he is saying
When someone gets under your skin, the reaction may be about them, and it may also be about something of yours. Jung's suggestion is to ask what in you is similar. Not identical. Similar.
The talkative colleague might touch a part of you that also wants to be heard and has stopped asking. Or a part that you worked hard to shut down, and that you cannot bear to see in someone else. Jung's later word for these disowned parts is the shadow.
What he is not saying
He is not saying the other person is blameless. Rudeness is rudeness. He is not saying every irritation hides a secret about you. Some people are simply hard to be around. And if someone is hurting or threatening you, that is not a lesson. It is a reason to protect yourself.
It is a question to ask, not an answer to accept.
A two-minute practice
- Say what happened in one sentence. “He talked over me again.”
- Ask: where do I do a smaller version of this, or wish I could?
- Write one line. Stop.
If nothing comes, leave it. Do not dig. A forced answer is worse than none.
How firm is this?
It is Jung's idea, written as private reflection. It is not a tested treatment, and this article makes no claim that it works for everyone. Many readers find the question useful because it moves attention from the other person to something they can actually change. If it brings up more than you can hold, stop and read how to pace shadow work, or talk to a qualified professional.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does Jung say that what annoys me is a part of me?
Not exactly. In The Red Book (p. 253) he says that being aggravated by your brother may be a sign of being aggravated by what in you is similar to your brother. He says similar, not identical, and he offers it as something to consider.
Does this mean the other person is not at fault?
No. The question is about your own reaction, not their behaviour. Someone can be rude and still touch something in you. If a person is harming or threatening you, protect yourself first.
Is this tested by science?
No. It is an idea from Jung's private writing, not a tested method. It is offered as a question for reflection.
Short films from this research — follow on TikTok.
The gold was always there
The practice this writing comes from: short daily reflections to read or hear with your phone’s speech voice, plus a private journal.
- I · MORNING
- II · MIDDAY
- III · EVENING
Prime
A short Ritual written for the person you are becoming.
Act
One aligned action, logged while it is still true.
Release
The Shadow Log — say what the day asked of you.
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References
- Jung, C.G. (2009) The Red Book: Liber Novus. Edited by S. Shamdasani. Translated by M. Kyburz, J. Peck and S. Shamdasani. New York: W. W. Norton. wwnorton.com